Terrible Two’s? Frustrating for Parents, But Worse for Children

I am happy to inform you that the Terrible Two’s aren’t really so bad, because it’s the Terrible Three’s you should be worried about. They’re awful! You’re constantly mobbed by a snack mongering, angry, dirty little gremlin who always seems grumpy and frustrated which ultimately make you grumpy and frustrated. The terrible twos and threes are enough reason to make any parent want to rip their hair out and start looking into the next flight anywhere! But why does this age of temper- tantrums start? How did our sweet angel babies turn into satanic demons right before our very eyes? Here are some questions, answers and tips that will hopefully ease your transition into this rough and overwhelming time.

Why does this terrible time plague homes across the nation?

Around the ages of two and three, children begin to have brain developments that far exceed their linguistic abilities. Meaning, they understand what’s going on around them and what they want to say much better than they can actually articulate it. That is a major part of why the temper-tantrums begin. Imagine knowing exactly what you want to say but being unable to articulate it. As parents we have very little patience. We have a million things to do and we are running around like headless chicken. It is usually when we are running behind schedule that our child decides to completely melt down. If you’re anything like me you yell, “SERIOUSLY! This is not the time. Get your shoes on and GET IN THE CAR!”. This usually leaves me feeling quite agitated and unhappy and my child pouting and calling me “a big MEANY”.

Is there anything I can do to end this?

Of course there is. Patience is key. Whether you naturally possess this incredible quality or you have to constantly work on it, it will often lead to a much happier, stress free life. Here are some of my go to saying’s and actions that my daughter still remembers to this day.

1) I’m sorry you feel that I’m not listening to you, but with words, please tell me what you need from me.

Most children feel like they are always needing to apologize. You hit your brother on the head, apologize. You spilled you juice all over the floor, say you’re sorry. Teaching your children to apologize for things they have done wrong is not a bad thing and hearing an apology from a parent isn’t either. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget to just LISTEN. Even to this day I find myself asking my daughter to listen to me so I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t want the same kind of respect.

2) Get Down to their Level – Have you ever been scolded by your boss and felt totally inadequate at your job? Imagine that your boss was three feet taller and towering over you while they did it! That sounds frightening. That’s how your child feels when you stand over them and yell our your frustrations. Stoop or kneel down to their level before you dole out any punishments. The closer you stoop down to that little face, the more you will see that they are frustrated too and all of the anger inside of you will melt.

3) Relax and Breathe – I have said this to my daughter numerous times growing up. She would get really upset about very small things and would work herself up into a crying fit. I remember just saying, “Relax and breathe, I can’t help you if I can’t understand what’s going on”. She would usually do exactly as I asked, relax and breathe, then follow it up with whatever was bothering her. It reminded her that I cared and that I would take the time to listen. Now to this day, when I start to get flustered and annoyed by little things, my daughter will see me and say “Hey mom, relax and breathe”. Sometimes we all need a little reminder.

4) Make Time to Talk about Feelings -I ask my daughter every day, “How was your day today?” and every single day it is different. Someone was nice, someone was mean, someone pushed someone else on the playground. In every instance I asked my daughter, how did that make you feel? Do you think it made that person sad/happy? What would you have done differently? By discussing the wide range of emotions, you force your child to think about how they feel and to talk about it. You make your child a much more rounded individual when they start to think about their actions and how they affect other people around them. Years later I was yelling at my daughter for doing something she knew she shouldn’t be doing and she responded with “I’m sorry I did that, but when you yell at me like that, it hurts my feelings “. I remember taking a few seconds to relax before I apologized to her and we hugged. By discussing her feelings early on in life, she has been able to communicate with me how she feels and she has been a kind, empathetic little girl who has even won an award from school for helping others when no one was watching.

It’s easy for me to sit here and tell you what to do to help you avoid the tantrums because I’m not longer in this stage. It has taken me three children and 12 years of parenting before my youngest turned 4 and I still do things wrong every day. These techniques are to help you in the moments that you remember them and can implement them. On the days where you can’t or don’t, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP! Parenting is hard and stressful. Focus on the things you did right and give yourself some grace. Every other mom of toddlers will, I promise!