My Child: I Love You, but I DO NOT Like You Right Now

“I was made to be a mother”.
“I can’t even remember who I was before I had children”.
“I’ve always dreamed of being a mother.”

All three of these statements have never once come out of my mouth. I mean, I always assumed I would have kids. I always assumed I’d have the perfect career, husband and children.. in that order; however, nothing turns out the way you expect it to. After having my daughter, then a career and now a husband.. in that order, I realized that although I am fully capable of parenting, it is not everything I thought it would be.

Now before I begin talking badly about my children let me first start off by saying, my two daughters and my son are amazing. They are kind, curious, bubbly, intelligent little humans. They are everything I have ever wanted, hoped, and prayed for. There are moments when they are sleeping that I look at them and cry because I couldn’t imagine loving them any more than I do right now, but then, they eventually wake up.

Like I said before, my oldest daughter is amazing, but she is not perfect. With all of the good comes the bad. The attitude she has learned from her middle school peers. The way she says “duh” as if a simple yes, wouldn’t suffice. The eye rolling. The inability to understand why I will not drop her off at the mall on a Saturday morning with her friends. There are many things that my daughter does to push my buttons and normally, when I am fully caffeinated, post workout I can handle it but more often than not, my coffee pot is still dirty from yesterday and my dog is chewing on my yoga mat. That’s all before my toddlers feet even touch the floor and I’m required to wipe butts and noses that don’t belong to me.

I used to struggle with my inability to be the perfect parent. I didn’t talk about it and I acted as if everything was perfect and it was the best job in the world. No one ever knew that I had struggled with whether or not I was cut out to be a parent. During a long lunch with both my mother and sister, we were discussing the past and many of the things we had gotten into in our younger years. My mom, chuckled and said something that will now forever stick with me. She said “You girls are lucky I love you so much, because there were so many times when I didn’t like you at all”. My sister and I both followed that with a “That’s rude” and a good laugh but I really began to think about what she said.

I never question the love I have for my kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without them and even though I was a young mom, I wouldn’t change my experience for the world. However, it’s okay to occasionally not like your children. I didn’t realize how many parents struggle with this. How many of us daydream about the times before children and then start to feel badly for even thinking about it. I have learned that embracing both the good and bad traits my children possess has allowed me to be a better, more understanding parent and if there are days when I don’t like her, then that’s okay too, but I will forever love her.

Just the other day as I was getting yelled at for packing the wrong fruit snacks, I stopped and said, “Listen, do not talk to me like that. I did my best and I think you should be thankful that I packed a special treat for you at all. Seriously, I love you but I do not like you right now”. Her beautiful preteen face stopped as she began thinking about what I said. After about a minute, she responded “I love you too, but I don’t always like you either”. I had to chuckle, I guess it goes both ways.